Ticking Away

Time is in motion. It is constantly moving forward, taking with it bits of our life. Its something we cannot control (We have been trying unsuccessfully since the age of Back to the Future)

The only thing in our control is how we utilize the time we have. Our approach to our time shapes and defines who we are. People perceive us based on these choices we make over time.

When we look back at our life and really think about it – we can clearly highlight the things we have made time for. These are our priorities. There is no such thing as not having time. It comes down to how you distribute and allocate your time. What gets preference? It could be family. It could be academics. It could be eating or reading or traveling. Time has a wonderful way of showing us what really matters to us.

Sometimes we lose track of time. This can happen various reasons. And we end up “wasting time”. This could be intentional, could be subconscious (I personally don’t agree with the idea of anyone wasting time without realizing it) or it could be something beyond your control.

I recently had a huge set back from my practice. Felt like I wasted a lot of time. And it was super frustrating. I am not someone who enjoys a routine. I like each day to be different and I welcome the challenges of change, but for the first time in my life, I was craving to settle into a known routine. To just go to my yoga class, train and practice – consistently. I did try to find my way back and squeeze in some time whenever I could but it wasn’t always possible or enough.

This made me start questioning my choices. These things that took priority over my training. I shouldn’t have gone on vacation. I should have taken better care of my health. Maybe its okay if my family is upset I don’t spend enough time with them. Maybe I’m not ready to perform so much because it means a lot of time goes in travel. I even made a vow to not perform again until I feel my practice justifies it.

Did these choices mean that dance was not my priority? For the first time since I left the corporate and engineering world, I questioned if I could be a full time dancer and if I’m cut out to handle this life. In reality, it was pointed out to me that I didn’t have any control over the things that happened, nor should I consider this time wasted. It was just unfortunate that all my set backs followed one after the other tearing me away from my Sadhana. But of course, in the moment I couldn’t accept it. It was a tough time. Not dancing really depresses me. And now that I have gotten back to training and working on my form, I can write a rational blog about it 🙂

Somebody recently asked me how to gauge when you are ready to get back into a routine after a set back. How much time is enough time? How long will it take to be back on track? I honestly don’t know if this is measurable or a fixed standard. Everybody and every situation is unique and you can gauge yourself best. Take your time to ease back but remember not to fall into a comfort zone where you don’t push yourself atleast a little everyday. Thinking about wasted time is a waste of time. Make the best use of what is remains.